Top 10 reasons to retire the original crew for good.

10. It's time to stop the meaningless slaughter of Tribbles for William Shatner's toupees.
9.  Commissary on board doesn't serve Slim Fast.
8.  Bones has finally realized, "I'm a doctor, not an actor!"
7.  Spock has joined Robert Bly's men's movement.
6.  Klingons and Romulans get a better offer to become Flygirls on "In Living Color."
5.  Enterprise power source discovered to be Folger's crystals.
4.  Alien babes don't kiss like they used to.
3.  Crew doesn't like plot of next movie -- "Star Trek VII: Federation Family Feud."
2.  We can't take much more of this, Captain!

And the No. 1 reason to retire the crew...

1. Kirk to Enterprise: "I've beamed down and I can't get up."